Global Domination

Audio Autopsy - January 2014

01/01/14  ||  Global Domination

Deicide: In the minds of evil

7.3/10

Lord K: This could quite possibly be the best Deicide effort in years and Mr. Benton’s sounding fucken excellent. Not that they live up to their old masterpieces (“Deicide” and “Legion”, of course), but they’re definitely still relevant. 7

Habakuk: Not consistent enough, but sure has its moments. 7

CadenZ: Best Benton since the 90’s. Strong and clear riffs and some much needed fucking desperation in the delivery. Hail to the olden ones. 8

Cobal: Nothing particularly new or interesting here, except the best Benton & Co have done in quite a few years. I’m happily feeling a “Stench of Redemption” vibe mixed with some older stuff. Horns up. 7

sincan: “Some men just wanna see porn” (slightly corrected), well that opening sentence was just so fucking annoying and phony that I found my eyebrows somewhere on my back. Otherwise this is pretty good even though I’m not a death metal maniac black belter. 7

Ironpants: Ben Glenton and his evil posse are back, and they sound surprisingly vital. The first two songs are so crushing and brutal that I just just lean back and touch myself, sadly it wears off the longer the album spins along. But still… this is how I want them to be. Good stuff gentlebeasts! 8

Obliteration: Black death horizon

7.2/10

Lord K: I’m applauding the bass sound and its prominent place in the sound picture. I also have to applaud the old school death metal coz it’s actually putting a smile on my face, something that is not happening too often these days when it comes to this old school crap. These guys play it like they mean it, and even though the vocals ruin a bit of the experience for me – I dig this. 7

Habakuk: Although I’ve heard it a million times before, what these Norwegians play is pretty damn good. 8

CadenZ: Listening to this is like masturbating with a cheese grater: raw, bloody and fun. 7

Cobal: True Norwegian Death Metal with some power violence hints. Not bad. 6

sincan: Yes, I have problems appreciating a lot of death metal bands which are “supposed” to be good, either I lack some sort of gene or most likely the music lacks something. However Obliteration are a fine example on how to craft this music with its great riffs and vocal delivery. The band tops that with a genuinely interesting bass and a dark and dirty atmosphere and we are all ready to inject death directly into the penis. 8

Ironpants: OK, so now they are taking over death metal also? Norwegian proto-death metal that is surprisingly fresh and vital. Yeah, and the vocals… I love that the singer sound that he’s desperate from anxiety and fear, and he almost screams in panic. Unexpected joy. 7

Exivious: Liminal

6.5/10

Lord K: Is this the first time we feature an instrumental album in AA? Well, if this is anything to go by, I hope it’s the last. I can’t for my fucken life stand to listen to this “progressive” rubbish where musicianship is more important to the band members than actual song writing. Absolutely impressive but ultimately ridiculous… eh… “music” with zero groove. 3

Habakuk: At least they don’t have a vocalist, so the jazzy thing sort of works. 6.

CadenZ: Amazing fusion with some metallic elements. Best musicians, best songs and best album by a mile in this AA. 9

Cobal: Proficient as it may be, modern jazz can get to be very, very boring. Don’t even bother looking for metal in here. 5

sincan: The first time I heard this I hated it. Lounge metal has never been my cup of assjuice and the few times I’ve wanted to hear it I’ve just went into an elevator or something. But this progressive jazz metal thing thong got a bit better. Still musically pretentious model deluxe. 7

Ironpants: Hello there! This was a big surprise. I thank the dude (CadenZ) that put this month’s AA together (and just about every AA)! I’ve never heard of this release, and would probably have missed it if it was not presented here. Sometimes, when you just want to indulge yourself with badass musicianship, this is what you need. I fucking love it. 9

Tad Morose: Revenant

6.3/10

Lord K: I fucken love Ronny Hemlin’s vocals. Easily one of the best metal vocalists around and he fits Tad Morose like a gigantic head fits Tito Ortiz. This is how you do this melodic metal crap, fuckos. 8

Habakuk: Read the name, thought of Ted Nugent. Saw the cover, thought of a death metal band. Heard the music, and it’s a bit like a heavier, slowed-down Iced Earth without triplet abuse. 7

CadenZ: Sweden’s Nevermore are better than their American counterparts but are, sadly, missing the same something-something that would elevate them from “well, this works” to “YEAHH!!!! I came in my pants again.” 6

Cobal: If all power metal records were this solid, I would pay very little attention to them anyway. It’s got its ups and downs, that’s for sure, but this record is over all heavy and consistent… And ultimately a bit boring. Anyway, it’s much better than most of what’s out there in the same genre. 5

sincan: Obviously better than the average power metal band and sometimes really powerful vocals. I didn’t expect this from a band named Tard. 7

Ironpants: Pretty solid chunks of meat delivered here… just like my morning stool. 5

Hell: Curse and chapter

6.2/10

Lord K: I love Andy Sneap and Hell can’t suck with him in the ranks, right? This satisfies my craving for heavy metal and is far better than I expected it to be. 8

Habakuk: Skilled as they may be, this vocalist needs to shut up, urgently. Hardly listenable. 4

CadenZ: Mediocrity, thy name is Hell. 5

Cobal: An effective mixture of different heavy metal styles and even some electronics here and there. I reckon this should be an amazing live act. I didn’t quite dig the vocals though. 6

sincan: One great band name which directly demands only the best out of the musicians, but that is definitely not a problem here. The vocal delivery is in total center thus in Hell’s case being companied with classic heavy metal instrumental arrangements. This gives a theatrical vibe, not that far from that of King Diamond’s. Kudos for the little, but great, appearance by Mortuus. 8

Ironpants: Heavy metal! Heavy metal! Heavy metal! And nothing else mind you! And this is a pretty stalwart collection of songs. Andy Sneap is on to something here. I like it a little bit. 6

Falkenbach: Asa

6.2/10

Lord K: Orc metal complete with idiotic vocals and exactly NO balls whatsoever. They get this score thanx to the riffs that I have heard 4 gazillion times before. That actually rhymed. 4

Habakuk: Unfortunately, when you pronounce Falkenbach correctly, Fuckenbulk doesn’t work anymore. Surprisingly good music though! 8

CadenZ: Bathory meets Primordial meets old Enslaved. Very good stuff, except for one thing – the only thing I hate more than pedophiles, Christians and the Philadelphia Flyers is auto-tune on vocals. This Vratyas Vakyas fucker is probably the biggest Bathory fan in the world, since he’s been ripping the big Q off since ’89, which makes it even more unbelievable that he’s pitch correcting his wannabe viking chants. LISTEN TO QUORTHON, YOU FUCKER!! He didn’t sing in key, ‘cause he didn’t need to. What matters is the passion in your voice. Fuck you. Without the auto-tuning “Asa” would be a solid 7. Here you go, fuckface. 2

Cobal: Quorthon would be proud, I guess. 6

sincan: This is the homerun of this AA, that’s for sure. But can you handle the epicness? “Non gay folk/Viking metal”. 9

Ironpants: Surprised I am! Whenever I see or hear that the folk element is incorporated, it usually means that it is time too kill someone! But not here, this is one late surprise for me in the end of 2013. This one will spill over to 2014 and occupy my stereo for some time. A perfect blend of black, viking and folk! 8

Pestilence: Obsideo

6.2/10

Lord K: O Pestilence Of Old Where Art Thou? 4

Habakuk: No. Consuming Impulse. 6

CadenZ: What’s with the haters? This is some premium prog death. The old farts still smell like rot and decay. Good times. 7

Cobal: Probably the one pretentious album of this year that has full credibility to my eyes –Ihsahn aside, that is–. If you check it out, you could keep in mind that unlike others, Pestilence play what feels right, and mainly for the sake of their own fun. 8

sincan: Something with the vocals is bothering me. Not my cup of virgin blood and the tracks are a bit too similar. 5

Ironpants: I would like to really kick this album right in that thing you intend to use when Obsideo (Latin: Before I sit), but I didn’t really hate it as much as I thought I would. Mostly because it is quite interesting shit, and I like the bass patterns and the drummer David Haley (The Amenta). So… 7

Convulse: Evil prevails

6.0/10

Lord K: Yeah, I remember these guys from the early death metal times. I didn’t give a shit about them then coz they blew, and there’s really no reason to revalue my opinion based on “Evil prevails”. Sure, it’s old-school with a lacking production along with shitty vocals, so if you’re into that crap – congrats. Finland’s best death metal band ever will always be Demigod on their “Slumber of sullen eyes” album. 3

Habakuk: Convulse don’t entirely convince me. Technically, everything’s there, but a certain something is missing. 6

CadenZ: The rot is strong in this one. Primitive and harsh like it should be, with a vocalist with a garburator in place of vocal cords. Good times, good times. 7

Cobal: First, I noticed the killer cover art. Then I learnt that not only can these guys play a most old-school form of death metal, but also include some dark instrumental quasi-acoustic passages and thrashing momentums. Finally, I couldn’t but love some very interesting drumming highlights. That dissonant guitar solo in track 6 is pretty amazing. 8

sincan: Well I’ll give them the fact that this isn’t any technical new tribal tattoo testosterone death. I like the production except for the vocals since they thought it would be awesome to throw a Nokia at the mic and then cover it under a layer of pillows before starting the vocal session. Not funny huh? The truth is not always funny. 6

Ironpants: Yes, “Evil prevails” and death metal always wins. These filthy, old Fins still got it. I have a little trouble with the vocals, but the music… yeah, you know what I am talking about! 6

Hecate Enthroned: Virulent rapture

5.8/10

Lord K: I have seen this moniker more times than you have ever jacked off, but I believe this is the first time I actually hear their music. Wikipedia describes them as a “Welsh symphonic black metal” band, and I guess that makes sense. The cheap keyboard sounds used here and there don’t make sense though. Obviously they have been around for some 20 years too… Well, in 20 more years I might start to give a shit. But probably not. 6

Habakuk: This is a bit like Blood Red Throne playing somewhat melodic Black Metal. Pretty neat. 7

CadenZ: Ye olden Cradle of Filth wannabes have turned, halfway at least, to the fountain of death metal for nourishment. Serves them well. But, still…they’re the guys who made this. 6

Cobal: At least they stopped trying to sound like Cradle of… Oh, wait. 4

sincan: Death metal meets Dark Tranquillity and Amon Amarth but with a rather disturbing band name. Pretty enjoyable I say, jolly good time you… 7

Ironpants: Symphonic black metal that very much dances on the border to Cheeseville, but somehow they manage to pull it off? Better than you might think. 5

Artillery: Legions

4.8/10

Lord K: Just becoz you have been in the game for a hundred years it doesn’t mean you’re legendary. Why some people put that “legendary” tag on Artillery is beyond me. Half-assed thrash metal that was never any good back in the day, and it’s definitely not holding up now. And there’s a tune called “God feather”? Seriously? Back to the shadows, ladies. 3

Habakuk: Admittedly vital-sounding, but in the end quite uninteresting thrash due to a vocalist who’s skilled but completely on the wrong track for the style. 6

CadenZ: Artillery’s reason for existence needs a justification: somebody has to represent mediocrity. 5

Cobal: Speed metal is always right, especially if the songs are good and the lyrics are not ridiculously sung. 7

sincan: Thräshers gonna thräsh for five minutes and then start asking questions about why this isn’t any better. It’s not horrible but kind of uninteresting just after a few tracks. I also smell (ass)hair metal. 5

Ironpants: Tired old thrash riffs with power metal vocals and song titles such as “Chill my (old) bones”, “Good (‘ol) feather”, “Wardrum (with stopped) heartbeat(s)” and “Die(s) Irae (already!)” send a signal to the listener where this is going. The album ends with “(Multiple scler)Ethos of wrath” and a sad thought that these guys are around my age. Whatever. 3

Pro-Pain: The final revolution

4.7/10

Lord K: While I listened to this album I got like 10 commercials from Spotify interrupting my session. I thank Spotify for that coz it was the best part of the whole thing. 2

Habakuk: You know what this sounds like? Soulfly. A good version though. What?? 7

CadenZ: No pain, no gain. Pro-Pain, so gay. 3

Cobal: Groovy hardcore riffs that excel precisely because of their simplicity, and effective vocals that really invite the listener to shout along in anger. Any questions? Nice album cover, by the by. 7

sincan: I guess this is what Soulfly would sound like if they were from the US and A. 6

Ironpants: Is this the final revolution from Pro Pain? I couldn’t care less. 3

Profanatica: Thy kingdom cum

4.5/10

Lord K: Blasphemy alright… On my ears. This is a fine example of when I believe a zero-rating in AA would come in handy. 1

Habakuk: It’s not even the rawness that puts me off (and this shit is filthy), but the riffing really is a bit ADD. Profanatica might find their fans among black metal enthusiasts though. 6

CadenZ: Chaotic and uncompromising black metal with the same amount of flair as a blue whale in a bathtub. Not bad, though. 6

Cobal: Much has been said about the so called US black metal. Me, I fail at identifying any characteristic sound in the North American area other than what bands such as Wolves in the Throne Room and Agalloch do, and of course, they are closely connected to the whole Cascadian thing if you ask me. Veterans or not, these guys sound exactly like tons of explicitly ketchup-satanic acts from the US and the rest of the world. And still, I feel it. Only for those into trve over-blasphemic stuff. 6

sincan: Well some people/sheep can’t see the beauty in chaos, destruction and primitiveness. However this album is a bit too “hey let’s hit our instruments and record it with a Nokia”. “Oh, that riff was not that good, but try to play it faster and it might turn out good.” 5

Ironpants: The band moniker sounds like a medicine. And I guess it could act like some anti-poser serum? But this is actually black metal, gasp, how shocking. OK, what’s next? 3

Rhapsody Of Fire: Dark wings of steel

3.7/10

Lord K: If they put the keyboards any higher in the mix I’m sure Martians can hear it too. Who seriously listens to this disgrace? 2

Habakuk: Probably decent for fans, but I prefer listening to something else OF FIRE. 5

CadenZ: The most boring Rhapsody of Fire record I’ve heard. They usually manage to get some kind of emotion out of me, but this is just…meh. 3

Cobal: Have you watched at least one version of “The Hobbit” that’s way better than that Jackson’s mutant? Can you discus the inconsistencies between the book and the recently released second part? If your answer to any of these questions was negative, stay away from this record. If like me you wear your geekness proudly, and you listened to earlier and better works –take “The Power of the Dragon Flame”, for instance–, you’ll find all the staples there. Except, they’ve lost a significant part of the appeal they once had. How this occurred, I can’t really tell. 5

sincan: No, please kill it with a stick covered in necrojuice. I find it rather disturbing (well everything on this album is) when the music is supposed to be some extravagant power metal but the riffs are more fucking primitive than my cock. 3

Ironpants: Put on your latex armour and sharpen your rubber swords, Rhapsody Of Fire is back. Actually, I think I would rather go play live role games than listen to this… or no! It´s not to bad though, compared to chlamydia. 4

Stryper: No more hell to pay

3.0/10

Lord K: You will burn for playing the Devil’s music, Stryper. 3

Habakuk: If Heavy Metal were like Tractor Pulling, these guys would be trying to drag a big-ass cross with a Bobby-Car. 4

CadenZ: This sucks ass in so many ways, even Jesus would be proud. 2

Cobal: Even though I can listen to some quality music here, I’ll be damned the day I accept as metal a band that attempts to convert kids into bible-believing rockers. Fuck this. 4

sincan: I say no so it has to be a ney. 3

Ironpants: “Thou shalt not pretend to be cool gods of heavy metal, for ancient powers older than time itself will punish ye with gruesome excruciation and scorn.” (Ironpants 5:55) 2

Leaves’ Eyes: Symphonies of the night

2.8/10

Lord K: I was never huge on this Liv chick’s music and I usually dig this cheesy shit, you know. Well, “Symphonies of the night” isn’t revolutionizing my life, but I can do with it in lack of better stuff to listen to. 5

Habakuk: So mystical and feminine. 3

CadenZ: Women who flaunt their goods without a shred of subtlety or decency are doing so for one or both of two reasons: 1. They are attention whores, and 2. They need to distract us from discovering how sucky the product they advertise really is. Unfortunately for boob-Liv, that shit don’t work on me. Even though I’d motorboat those things like a motherfucker. 2

Cobal: Except for her guest appearance in “Nymphetamine”, I’ve never listened to anything from this mouse-voiced blonde that causes the most minimum amusement in me. In general, I’d much rather listen to her sister’s band who by the by, is much hotter too. No shit has changed. 2

sincan: You know that you are either fucking desperate or lacks fantasy if you try to copy Nightwish/Tarja. Sorry, my “baggy black trousers with shit and chains, eyeliner, Cradle of Filth shirt and hanging out with little girls”-train has already left, during never. 3

Ironpants: Busy as hell and under time pressure before deadline, words can hardly express how fucken much I despise this. Guitars recorded in a tin can, vocals powered by a battery clamp on a clit and keyboard infested songs with over-pretentious Disney themes. Floppy New Year! 2